1.  DYSFUNCTION DOESN’T START WITH YOU, BUT IT CAN STOP WITH YOU.

As the boys grew up, Esau became a skillful hunter. He was an outdoorsman, but Jacob had a quiet temperament, preferring to stay at home. Isaac loved Esau because he enjoyed eating the wild game Esau brought home, but Rebekah loved Jacob.

GENESIS 25:27-28 (NLT)

You may not be the origin of the mess, but you can be the one to stop it.

I lay the sins of the parents upon their children; the entire family is affected—even children in the third and fourth generations of those who reject me. But I lavish unfailing love for a thousand generations on those who love me and obey my commands.

EXODUS 20:5B-6 (NLT) 

If anyone belongs to Christ, there is a new creation. The old things have gone; everything is made new!

2 CORINTHIANS 5:17 (NCV)

You are not your problem, the pattern is.

Ps. STEVEN FURTICK (USA)

2.  YOU CAN’T HEAL WHAT YOU WON’T ACKNOWLEDGE.

I know that you delight to set your truth deep in my spirit.  So come into the hidden places of my heart and teach me wisdom.

PSALM 51:6 (TPV)  

JOHN 8:32 (NIV)  Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

You can’t conquer what you are comfortable avoiding. You can’t defeat what you defend in secret.

PS. SAM MONK (Equippers Church, NZ)

3.  EMOTIONAL DECISIONS vs FAITH DECISIONS.

Jacob’s choice was driven by passion, not prayer.

And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed to him but a few days, because of the love he had for her.

GENESIS 29:30 (AMP)  

Emotional Impulses Can Set Up Decades of Conflict.

Faith Decisions Are Anchored In God’s Will, Not our Feelings.

There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.

PROVERBS 14:12  

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

JAMES 1:5 (NIV)  

4.  PATTERNS PERSIST WHERE BOUNDARIES ARE ABSENT.

Then the Lord said to Jacob, “Go back to the land of your fathers and to your relatives, and I will be with you.”

GENESIS 31:3 (NIV)  

Boundaries are not walls to keep people out – they’re gates to keep the wrong influences from controlling you.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.

GALATIANS 5:1  (NIV) 

How do we break the cycle:

• Recognise the unhealthy pattern

• Repent – turn to God’s way.

• Replace the old behaviour with biblical truth

• Reinforce with accountability and boundaries.